The Silent Language of Cutlery
It's surprising that I've never come across graphics like the one pinned to this post before, even though variations of it have reportedly circulated online for years. Shockingly, these images have appeared on blogs, in news media, and across various communication channels, with many writers seemingly endorsing this so-called “language of utensils” that everyone should know.
I truly hope this all started as a joke. However, as an etiquette trainer, I feel compelled to clarify the truth about what your cutlery should – and shouldn’t – be communicating to those serving you during a meal.
There are only two appropriate "messages" you should send with your knife and fork during a meal:
I’m resting, and will continue eating.
I’m finished, and my plate can be cleared.
That’s it. There are no secret signals or hidden meanings in the positioning of your utensils that convey anything else – such as wanting seconds, expressing love or dislike for the food, or silently critiquing the service. These “utensil signals” simply do not exist.
Depending on whether you are dining Continental Style or American Style, the positioning of your utensils to indicate "resting" or "finished" will differ. To visualize these positions, imagine the face of a clock on your plate.
Continental Style:
Resting Position: Place the fork and knife in an inverted V shape, with the handles pointing toward 5 and 7 on the clock face. The tines of the fork should face down, and the knife’s blade should be facing the center of the plate.
Finished Position: Place the fork and knife in the “10:20” position, with the tips of the utensils pointing toward 10 and the handles toward 4. The tines of the fork should still face down, and the knife's blade should remain facing the center of the plate.
American Style:
Resting Position: Position the fork and knife in the “10:20” position, with the tips pointing toward 10 and the handles toward 4. Leave about an inch or so of space between the utensils. The tines of the fork should face up, and the knife’s blade should face the center of the plate.
Finished Position: This is similar to the resting position, but the utensils should be placed side by side, very close together, in the “10:20” position. The tines of the fork should remain up, and the blade of the knife should still face the center of the plate.
Why the 10:20 Position Matters
In both dining styles, the 10:20 position serves a practical purpose: it ensures that the handles of your cutlery are positioned in a way that makes it easy for your server to grab them when clearing your plate. This helps prevent utensils from slipping off your plate or being knocked onto the floor – or worse, onto your lap!
Additional Utensil Tips:
Avoid placing your utensils so that the handles are hanging off the edge of the plate. Doing so increases the risk of them falling off, potentially causing a mess or discomfort during your meal.
The Bottom Line:
When dining at a restaurant or event, use the resting and finished positions to communicate to your server whether you are still eating or ready for your plate to be cleared. But remember, do not expect servers to interpret any other utensil placements – unless you want to see them respond with confusion or amusement!
By sticking to the basic etiquette of utensil placement, you’ll help create a smooth and respectful dining experience for both you and your server.